Conner O’Malley’s YouTube channel has been pretty quiet since his last video, a guide to the finest handfuls of pulled pork to be found in Wisconsin Dells’ haunted houses, was released last summer. It seems the comedian’s time off has been put to good use preparing the world for the latest in entertainment: “A new, darker, rebranded version of Mickey Mouse that’s just for millennials and Gen X, Gen Z … the new generation.”
O’Malley shows us what it took to get into the head of a character he now calls “Mick,” documenting five nights spent crawling around and swinging sticks in the woods while wearing a muscle suit, smeared face paint, and mouse ears. Having descended into the depths of rodent hell that will birth the new Mickey—a character who struggles “with smartphone addiction and impossible burger syndrome”—O’Malley eventually finds a Disney executive’s home and accidentally murders him during an impromptu pitch meeting.
From here, as in so many of O’Malley’s past videos, the mayhem escalates. The public catches on to the appeal of the new Mick Mouse’s cinematic universe, which promises to be like “Euphoria for Mickey Mouse, but instead of everybody being human and having sex, they’re mouse or duck or Goofy.” Disney, though, wants to punish Rebranded Mickey Mouse with a Disney Plus-broadcasted beheading, forcing President G.I. Joe Biden to intervene with a raid that saves Mick from execution. We won’t detail everything that happens next, but will guarantee that anyone interested in the shape of a war between the United States government and Disneyland should watch to the end to catch a glimpse of that terrible conflict.
For those too frightened of this particular vision of the future, we recommend checking out comparatively peaceful selections from O’Malley’s catalog, like the video that invites us to leave behind our bodies to exist in eternal technological bliss or the one where he smokes 500 cigarettes to “raise awareness” for 5G’s ability to save America from the “contravirus.”
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