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Sometimes you’re texting a guy you like or you’re out on a first date, and for some reason, your mind just goes blank. You have no idea what to say next or what questions to ask. It happens to the best of us! If you need a little inspo, here’s how to be a sparkling conversationalist, both in person and over text, as well as a bunch of questions to ask a guy (or anyone) the next time you’re stuck.
Whether you’re on a date or just talking to the cute guy you always see in the elevator, the key to keeping a conversation going is to ask thoughtful follow-up questions. So, when someone tells you something—anything—listen intently, and then respond with a question that elicits a deeper explanation about what they just shared.
For example, if someone mentions they love the summer, ask what they love about it. If they tell you they’re having a rough week, ask why that is. If someone mentions they’ve been playing video games all day, ask what game they’re playing and what’s so fun about it. You can even go a level deeper: Do they consider themselves a serious gamer or a casual gamer? What’s the first game they couldn’t stop playing?
Great relationships start with great sleep.*
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“Great interviewers know how to make people feel special by being genuinely fascinated by other people,” couples’ therapist Alicia Muñoz, LPC, recently told mbg. “Notice their response without jumping automatically back to yourself, your experience, your interpretations of what they said.”
If you find the conversation comes to a lull, or you’re just trying to strike up some interesting conversation, here are some ideas for questions to ask a guy or anyone you’re interested in.
Need some more inspo for questions to ask? Consider checking out the infamous 36 questions to fall in love or this couples’ quiz.
Great relationships start with great sleep.*
(446)
"I woke up this morning and I feel much better."
Bobbi Brown, founder Bobbi Brown Cosmetics
Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach helping people figure out how to create dating and sex lives that actually feel good — more open, more optimistic, and more pleasurable. In addition to working with individuals in her private practice, Kelly serves as the Sex & Relationships Editor at mindbodygreen. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, and she’s been trained and certified by leading sex and relationship institutions such as The Gottman Institute and Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, among others. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere.
With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. She’s particularly enthusiastic about helping softhearted women get re-energized around the dating experience and find joy in the process of connecting with others. She believes relationships should be easy—and that, with room for self-reflection and the right toolkit, they can be.
You can stay in the loop about her latest programs, gatherings, and other projects through her newsletter: kellygonsalves.com/newsletter
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